I am happy to report, I am often told by friends and strangers alike that I am a good mom. "S/he is so lucky to have parents like you," many say. While I agree that's true, and much preferred over an intolerant, inflexible, homophobic mom I wish daily that I was a better mom.
The truth is since the day Anneke was born, I have felt like a clever impostor. When Anneke was first born I felt like a high school kid given an egg to take home and nurture like a newborn. None of my friends had kids yet, and my mom was the least maternal woman in my life ie: she was no help. Every birthday, I have breathed a deep sigh of relief that I have not yet dropped or damaged the egg. Like any impostor, however, I live in fear of being discovered for the fraud that I am.
I have a few deep flaws that have been hard to change over the years, but over the past few weeks I have made huge progress. One of them is that I am very disorganized and messy. I know it drives my kids nuts, but like all children they have adapted to the chaos that is our home/life. I joke to many that I am one mental health breakdown from being one of those hoarders/collectors you see on TV. It is closer to the truth that I like to admit.
So on my birthday in May I did two things. I hired a cleaning woman, who is amazing, new to Canada, and needs me to help her as much as I need her to help me. Second, I bought several Peter Walsh 'clear the clutter' books, and have begun to purge and organize our home. Yes, in case you are wondering, I am reading the books and have only misplaced them once.
Over the past three days I have exited 6 garbage bags of 'stuff' to either the local charity or to the garbage. Most has been going to My Sister's Closet, a store whose proceeds assist battered women's shelters.
Today is soccer day in our house. Molly had two games this morning followed by Anneke's two games. Molly is on team Tanzania, Anneke team Mexico. Our normal pre-game routine involved madly looking for their team shirts, praying that they don't smell, then scrambling to find cleats and socks. Notice Anneke (far left) in the picture above does not have soccer socks, on picture day. Long ago I established a soccer drawer, which I encouraged them to use to put store their belongings. This was a system that seemed to work in theory not practice.
Except today! Both girls went to the drawer and found all of their necessary belongings...and they were clean! Anneke, who I know, craves more order in our life, remarked. "Wow, that's great! It's all here." No searching necessary.
Today I baked organic blueberry muffins in my clean kitchen and made healthy, hot lunch and healthy (albeit late) dinner. Perhaps my days as an impostor are coming to an end.
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