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Thursday, April 8, 2010

Feeling sad and blessed

Despite my wish to write more this week isn't working out to be a prolific week to write. It has, so far, been a very sad time for me at work. As many of you who follow this blog know, I am a midwife in Canada. Most of my job involves guiding families through the journey of pregnancy and the wonder of birth, and the joys of their newborn baby. Yesterday in my office I tragically diagnosed an 'intra-uterine demise." Often called a stillbirth. They were due in just a few days. I have been at the hosptial tonight, helping to induce labour for a baby that has died. It is one of the most sad and awful parts of my job, I hope no one is ever touched by such sadness.

Each time this happens (sadly this is not the first time.) I come home and squeeze my kids until they hurt. Many people comment that Anneke is lucky to have parents like Ben and I. While that may be true, we are lucky to have kids like Anneke and Molly. They light up my life in a way that defies explanation.

I occasionally encounter parents who do not understand and unconditionally love their trans-gendered child. On days like today, I have no patience for parents who do not appreciate the healthy loving child before them. "Do you know how lucky you are?" I want to scream. "Who cares what they want to wear, of what they want you to call them? This is your child!" They see their child as imperfect and in need of "fixing." If you truly knew how fragile life can be, and how sad you are making your child by not fully accepting and loving them, you would never want to change a thing.


  1. I always read your posts in my reader, but this one made me want to come out of the shadows (dun-dun-duuun!) I just want tot hank you so much for being such a wonderful parent, and amazing person all around. Your job is beautiful but it can also be very sad and it takes a special kind of person to live with both. So, thank for being you and for sharing.

  2. yes, life is so fragile...your love for your child is precious, generous and admirable...i love you, nicole...h xo

  3. Thank you for being a great parent. The road is rough, but it would be so much harder on you both if you stopped loving your child. I am a 38yr FtM, 2 years into transition, and I have had no contact with my family for over a year now. I'm lucky to have a lot of support from friends and my wife. Thank you though, for sparing the pain your child might have felt. You have more support out there than you can imagine.

  4. I discovered your blog through the TYFA website. We have a transgendered teenager (FTM) whose gender identity issues only because obvious in the last year or so. He's had emotional problems for about 3 years, since puberty struck, and in retrospect his problems of being male inside a developing female body probably were responsible for a lot of those problems. At any rate, I'm getting used to the idea of having a son (our only child) and not a daughter. I'd rather have a happy, live son than a depressed, dead daughter.

  5. This post gave me chills; thank you for putting things so powerfully and so succinctly.